In the beginning I knew three friends called Tim, Paul and Guy- good-natured, upright and trustworthy people. That was eight years ago. Between then and now, something went horribly wrong. Then commences a catalogue of misdemeanours, insanities, and general weirdness born out of an overwhelming desire to be rebellious and nasty without actually doing anything wrong or evil. Let me paraphrase the words of a great man, who could almost certainly have been describing them:
"They are angry. They are argressive. They are mindless. They are lawless. You can't reason with these sorts of people."
This is an apt description, apart from the wrong bits. Perhaps some more detail wouldn't go amiss...
Badger learnt to unicycle in secret over the course of a few months. During that time, strange crop-circle like wiggly star symbols appeared mysteriously - the evidence of many attempts started from the same spot. Badger no longer unicycles much, but I do.
Stupidly Long Walks
|We hung around on the isle of wight for a bit (left)
, walked round the perimeter in 24 hours (centre),
until we got tired (right)
|They take any available opportunity to rearrange my furniture into big towers. What's worse is that these towers are really nothing to do with me, and they should in fact be build on Perky's bed, but he rarely stands for it. Myself, I rarely find out until it's too late.|
Actually, this tradition has very little to do with dogs, and rather more to do with hot dogs, which we semi-regularly meet to cook and eat. Once the dogs have been suitably simmered in boiling water for the appropriate length of time, they must be prised from the cookng recepticle by hand. Strange, but true. Recently, dog bowls have been acquired by badger and the gimp for the special purpose of cooking dogs in. However, the two of them were keen to get down on all fours and regress back to some twisted childhood by lapping water from the said bowls.
|Ahhhhh ... now that's more like it!|
In some senses, these two are self-explanatory! Either that or they're unexplainable.
|It was the night before
term ends and Barnwell was dead;
the students had partied and all gone to bed.
Exhausted they slept in their rooms as they should,
and Pinkie was bladdered, which was almost as good.
No-one had noticed the figure in black
who was scaling the wall to slink in at the back.
The front door was locked and laborious to pick,
but the hinges gave way way with a good hefty kick.
He opened the rucksack of veg that he loved,
and sought the key targets in which they were shoved.
Then, quarry located and taped to the wall,
the window was breached for a 2-storey fall.
The intruder rolled clear when he crashed to the floor
and the carrots exploded, being packed with C4.
He made for the distance, ignoring the flames,
arriving at Selwyn to continue his games.
was dreaming of Op-Amps when found
F13 Tit Hall was reached without fuss
|Damn you and all of your
I really don't care what goes on in your mind.
Send this to Freud whom you know oh so well,
but quite what he'd make of it, who can foretell?
He'd come out with something about queers I'm sure,
then brand you as 'wimp' - a state beyond cure.
being said, we ought to make haste,
Over at Cripps we find the Pyler asleep,
Tedious Email Exchanges - Coming Soon - the entire archive of meaningless email conversations.
Deperkation - Feeling a bit perky? Or feeling perky a bit? We'll come and deal with it!
"Where is the perk?"
"... a roll of duct tape, an economy sized jar of jam, two litres of high-octane missile fuel, and a rather confused whippet."
"... a badger, half a pound of lard, and a nickel-plated shovel."
"We're on a mission from god."
"A Darned good stonk."
"A stupidly long walk."
"Did you hear that? They've shut down the main reactor..."
"Where will they be when the milennium comes..."
"There's a voice, that keeps on calling me. Down the road, that's where I'll always be..."
"What are we going to do tonight, Brain? - Same thing we do every night Pinky, Try to take over the world!"
I do not know any of these people. In fact, they don't actually exist. Any similarity to persons, places or events, real or fictious are purely coincidental.
Page created : 30th October '00
Last update : 1st November '00